5 Fears Your Loved One Fights

Simple Ways To Help Your LO Overcome Fear

The single most repeated command in the Bible is not, "Feed the hungry," though that is a great thing to do...it is not "Forgive one another," but we benefit from doing so. The single most commonly declared command in the Word of God is "Fear Not." "Do Not Fear," is repeated over and over throughout both the Old and New Testaments by angels, prophets, and even Jesus Himself. God knew we would experience worry, anxiety, and fear. He created you and knew your vulnerabilities long before you were even born, that is why He repeated "Don't be afraid," so many times, He knew we would battle with fear. People who are incarcerated seem to have an extra dose of fear heaped into our lives. It's likely due to the many things that are stripped from our control, but regardless of the reason there are some common fears inmates experience and you can help your loved one overcome their fear.

1. Fear of Being Forgotten

Life gets busy. We fill our schedules with so much that we can forget about the most important people in our lives, or just forget to tell those we love how we feel about them. This is true for inmates as well. Feeling forgotten produces loneliness and can cause resentment. To help fight this fear, communication is key. Set healthy boundaries regarding phone calls and expectations, and communicate them well. Tell your LO when you know you'll be unavailable to answer so their imagination does not take over. While you may think about your LO on a daily (even hourly) basis, your LO can't read your mind. In order to remind them that they are not forgotten check in at random times (ESPECIALLY on your LOs birthday) to affirm to your LO that they are on your mind and are not forgotten.

2. Fear of Being Rejected

Every incarcerated person has experienced significant rejection in life. In addition to the normal rejection experiences society has, those of us in prison have stood before a judge or jury and been told that we are no longer fit to live in society for a period of years. This may be self-inflicted but the sting of that rejection remains. Many inmates try to guard themselves from being rejected by someone again and in turn reject others at the first hint of conflict, after all it's easier to reject someone else than to be rejected again. Be patient with your LO and continue to affirm your love and support. It is healthy to express areas you see they need to change, but always affirm your commitment to, and acceptance of them.

3. Fear of the Future

No one is certain of what tomorrow will bring but your LO doesn't even know what city they will live in upon release. I spoke with a man who has more than twenty years before he is eligible for release but he expressed fear over what kind of work he will do, where he will live, and who will even be alive when he gets out. This fear is real. As a support, I challenge you to not disregard your LOs real fear, and instead explore options with them. We all know things change, but calming your LOs heart and bringing peace is best.

4. Fear of Failure

Inmates don't usually say we fear failure, but we have all had epic fails. Many times we avoid trying new things because we don't want to fail. Encourage your LO to learn a new skill, take a new class, or lean into a new friendship. Fear of failure can paralyze growth. Nudge your LO to try something new.

5. Fear of Lack

Poverty mentality is rampant in prison. It can feel like there is never enough. Remind your LO of your commitment to take care of their needs and some of their wants. And remember that for most of us (myself included) asking for help is difficult. So check in and ask, "Do you need anything?" from time to time. Friend, thank you for being a rock star in the life of your LO! You matter more than you can fathom. We choose hope over fear everyday. Press on and overcome FEAR! Which fear do you see most in your life?

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